1. |
I Feel
04:14
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I could never tell
No I will never tell
And just give you all away
Inside of my mind
I can hardly understand it myself
Against all I see
That moves in the room and me
Forced down upon my will
How can I describe
Rising up from the noise
All the shapeless labyrinthine
Shifts inside the sky?
Over people who’ve gathered
With heads filled with flame
At the base of a ladder
Twisted up towards the rain
And I am with them
Watch the rungs come undone
Buried beneath two helix
Clutch my face
Catch my my blood
Falling away all around me
With all the things that I love
Slipping into the ether
Swallowed up in the dark
As all the shapes and the colors get smaller
I begin here and
Tear out of every page of my journal
Live life unknown
Sink like a stone
Fall forever
Trying to feel for what is out there
Because I’m not sure what it is I see
When everyone comes around
I start to talk, but then I have to stop
Who put this mind inside of me?
The space between the air
If you feel it, is it there?
Ripped clean in the crosshair?
Am I living for this moment
To take things as they are?
To just give you away?
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2. |
Future Tense
04:09
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In these times
I’m uncertain of what has become
Of a mountain of memory
Of dreams deferred
And places unseen
Buried just below the surface
Shaping with what I am
Revelation just around the bend
White heat trapped inside a photo lens
That’s neither here nor in a future tense
In through the exit
And out to where I began
And if I ever find a way out
I’ve never felt so -
Free to cut
And to completely let go
When the world changed form
And put me in control
Now you mean more to me
When you make that call
That selfless motion
That defines what we are
Stepping out into a second life unknown
I think I’m ready to lay low now
It’s harder than mind meets vision
I’ve seen my sun rise
I’ve seen it slide down
Waiting on ships that never come
I’m making the most of obsession
Saddled by all my desires
Begging for constant forgiveness
For what?
If just to end up where we start
At least that’s what I tell you
When you ask how I’ve been living
Take it apart
The machine in the art
Marred by contradiction
The reason is lost and the pages run on
Testing the sum of my patience
Whatever trees were tied to the leaves now
There’s nothing here at all
To show for a summer
Sweat it out every night
Just to get on the inside
And just go faster
There has to be another way
To arrive at my own conclusion
This feeling exists
Even if it’s just in my head
When I bring the words back around
And reach for a means to an end
Everything in its place so
That I know when to begin again
So far away as if I never left
But now it’s out of my hands
Like a song
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3. |
Come In Close
04:20
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Standing at the bed’s end
In the darkness
You’re sleeping in
Like a stranger
I let myself in
Waiting
For the moment
Because it feels wrong
To give it up to someone
A lifetime in transition
I’m sinking in
Low risk on a setting sun
We made some plans
Now the day is done
Slow burn
Slow motion on the run
You mean more to me
Than my mind lets on
Just living through the senses
‘Til I found you out
All sugar and strobe light
Hold back all my doubt
Just digging past the surface
Now I know too much
To let you down
To refuse the rest of us
I lay down at a distance
My eyes open and my arms stretched wide
To that feeling that’s fading
Open that void twisted up inside
Like nothing in this life
The past narrows
And I get older all of the time
I will never die
It’s a new age
And it’s alright
Down a dark road in your hometown
The bar closed
We rolled the window down
He put a ring on your best friend’s finger
I’m on my knees now
It’s just that wavering fear
That chokes me up
When she shows it off
And it shines through my heart
It’s like I lost my place
Got turned around
Never coming back
This is not an end
You were a place I’d always go
Now you’re all around
This is living lost and found
What wasn’t clear
Comes into focus here and now
In a softer glow
So I can see just what we are
When you come in close
You feel different in this house
If this is real
You are all I’ve ever known
I lay down at a distance
My eyes open and my arms stretched wide
To that feeling that’s fading
Open that void twisted up inside
Every question we unwind
All these answers we veil and confide
Will never die
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4. |
Ease His Pain
03:30
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I found a poem
In my desk this morn’
You wrote in secret
With fingers ‘round your throat
For me to find on my own
In case it be the last time we spoke
(And in its own way it was
As I get further from my shame)
Until I’m standing here
In my parents’ house
Trying to find the answer
For what it means to me now
That we’ve both gotten better
I’m not blowing all my cash
Standing in the mirror
With blood running down my neck
And I try to fight it
Get the angle just right
When I catch my reflection
On the TV or a knife
And I never told you
I kept it all out of sight
Life all fluorescent
Someone turn off the light
On low level shadow coming in slow
Over the threshold
And on a straight and narrow
We draw a little closer
Until we start to unravel
And then it comes down to me now
And the cure we only talk about
On an empty page
Filled with rage
I cannot ease your pain
If just to end up where we start
Was it a wash to come this far?
Back and forth
Up and down
Our songs twisting and turning me around The sun and everyone I turned from?
An old friend splits the sky from the ground
On words I’ve waited on so long
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5. |
Good Plane
04:25
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I took a photo from the plane
To remember what it looked like
Crowded a stranger’s window seat
To get a piece of the sunrise
It seemed criminal
With the flash of my bright light
To take with me sacred vision
Of some second coming.
Modern machine
Helpless insect sucks the blood
And explodes on my TV screen
The places you do not go
What is unknown
Haunt my dreams
And invade my memory
My god was great ‘til it went away
Now I search for reasons
To close my eyes and pray
Roll up the window
Confess to no one
Hang on a hook cast down from heaven
I feel so safe in your silence
Where bullets vanish
Into the house of Judas
I took a photo from the plane
To remember what it looked like
My face reflected back to me
I was weeping, sleeping, and singing
Now I’m wide awake
In the aluminum tube set in motion
Tallying up the questions
To some god which remain unanswered
When my parents die
Is that the moment
I become a Christian?
Don’t you know?
Fight off the worms
that consume their souls
But I am no different
steal the spotlight
hijack history
What’s the difference?
When you’re on the edge of evil
And you know it.
Ten commandments
On steps descending
A spiral staircase to a concrete landing
When we kill are we really killing?
Tumble through fallen columns
Two bodies burning
As souls jump out from
And I am swollen by what I know
And what I know makes me senseless
It makes me destructive
And it brings me sadness
Don’t be so selfish
Don’t build towers
To your own knowledge
And be good to me
Accept that you know nothing
Tumbling, tumbling
I took this photo
To remain mortal
It hangs in a frame on my wall
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6. |
Disappearing Act
03:54
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The day is gone before it has begun
Around here the moon is always the sun
Waning crescent down to nothing
As I watch from a room
Darkness come on like a vacant cocoon
And wrap me up so tight
I can’t write I can’t move
This is what I’ve become
This is slow burning armageddon
I can never leave
I’m locked deep inside of me
A union of language and thought
Remains to be seen
When the impossible is done
I shall be set free
But then what desires
Will I have left to dream?
All I can do
Is hold on to the moment
And then watch it go away
Try and contain the feeling in a word
Half a thought escapes me
And the contours of life get blurred
I see myself completely
And disappear
It’s a curse
That cannot be cured
It gives an disturbs
It heals and it hurts
and I can never return
I come to and end
again and again
To extend my pain
for as long as I can
It’s easier to live
once things get out of hand
Than to find a new way
One that I can stand
Everything’s gone wrong
But this is where I belong
It comes as a total loss
But it’s something that I can trust
It’s a psalm that cannot be sung
There’s not enough truth
to finally be done
I know not the right words
to give flight to my lungs
So I go on, but there’s nowhere to run
There’s nowhere to run
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7. |
Half a Myth
03:33
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The words get lost but the thoughts run on
Trying to translate what was never done
Give me a sign of good things to come
Was I born to die under a setting sun?
I was fine in the early years
We were close until I lost my nerve
The spirit’s heavy but the mind is clear
The house is quiet and the end is near
I can’t describe what it is I’ve seen
Through the fog of false memory
Through the layers of waking dream
It’s always there but not always as it seems
As I remember I was lost in song
Swept up on stage and never coming down
This will always be the world I know
If I trust the center to hold
What I need is just out of view
Read some old journals
got closer to the truth
Look back in anger and locked in place
We were lucky for the mistakes we made
The image I keep is half a myth
A soothing lie I refuse to quit
There’s another side to all of this
One I can’t comprehend
But I have to accept
What came before never meant a thing
What came before is all we’ll ever be
Lay and wait by the windowpane
And rest my head in the pouring rain
Squint my eyes
Through every day and night
To make peace with the colors outside
The years drag on a black and white
Ashen gray and shot through with light
I waited years until the time was right
When all’s forgiven and inspiration strikes
When the dead spring back to life
Now I am far
And the song is just out of sight
I thought I had it in the palm of my hand
Stuck in the closet
drawing maps of the mind
I know now that I’ve run out of time
If I don’t end this tonight
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8. |
Exit as Entrance
04:50
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When you wake up in the morning
Mind cut off from body by darkness
Be still and you are born again
All these years you are born again
Don’t search for you
Don’t lift your hand
To mold a face
from what you can’t understand,
5:20 AM - gray light through the glass
Just open your forming eyes
This too shall pass
Then your legs deceive you
They bend and remember
As you ache out the doorway
And stand at the mirror
So close you split down the middle
Now you’re staring into somebody else
And these are the last days
You see an opening you have to take
Sun’s coming over the tree line
Surrender
I see it cut for a second then it goes away
Every entrance is an exit reflected
I’ll take my chances
Am I coming, am I going
Towards the light?
Outside through a keyhole
Through my life and through my eyes
Tear myself from this house
From this body, from all that contains
The moment and its memory
The whole, all of it
Tied to all that remains
I can live this way without you
If I have to do this alone
Am I who I was?
I am waiting for what is to come
Opened wide, swallowed whole
I have a choice but I am not in control
Of what happens now
If I’m out here on my own
Settling into the easiest version of myself
When there’s so much out there
So much more now, now, now
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9. |
Lay Low Now
05:04
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I was driving to escape our creation
Barreling through the morning light
Past fields of grain
And Halloween decoration
I am not relieved
New freedom is a transparent prison
‘Til it grows old on the mind
Then I suffer to take it for granted
Now I am far away
Nameless classic rock
And highway hallucination
Vying among the semi-trucks
The sun’s coming up over the horizon
I follow it to you
My only friend
Who understands the damage
That kept me up all these years
That wore me down slowly
I hadn’t noticed
I clear my mind in you
A week outside the city
Getting closer to the center
Jockey from town to town
Everywhere and nowhere
Fading all at once
I think I’m ready to lay low now
It’s harder than blind ambition
Let me sleep in
I’ll lock the door on my way out
Just for a little while
The places and people
I love a quick handshake
To keep connection
The fastest speed I can maintain
Spiral without direction
Just running through this beautiful museum
10 minutes before it’s closing
Just take it all in with half an eye
And all heart dedicated to nothing
I’m laying down for beauty
I’m laying down
My most honest work of art
I’m hitting playback for the second time
Just to make sure I got it right
When I’m out from exile
I’ll let you know how I plan to make it back
I see no reason to rush it now
When I know somehow it all works out
So I’ll see around
I’ll see you around
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Night Again Chicago, Illinois
jamie - voice, guitar
rip - guitar, voice
miley - bass
steve - drums
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